Things I Learned in the South

                                         
  A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.        




  There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.    




  There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South,
  plus a couple no one's seen before.                                     




  If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.              




  Onced and Twiced are words.                                             




  It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!                               




  Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?                          




  People actually grow,eat and like okra.                                 




  Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.                     




  There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's  
  supper.                                                                 




  Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when    
  you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as
  the Wine of the South.                                                  




  Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.               




  The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'            




  You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it  
  is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.                 




  You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.                                    




  Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.                                 




  All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,  
  grain, insect, or animal.                                               




  You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.                 




  You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.   




  The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
  require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and     
  gossip.                                                                 




  You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.      




  You know what a hissy fit is.                                           




  Fried catfish is the other white meat.                                  




  We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can
  drive!!!                                                                




  You're southern if you understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.